Give your business its best day ever.
My brain. Your brand.
And one full day of me writing your slam-dunk new copy.
Businesses that worked with me + liked it:
Businesses that worked with me + didn’t like it:
What is this thing?
For one hardcore, head-down day, I’ll write and strategize just for your business.
When you Buy My Day, you’re really buying…
- Irresistibly clickable emails
- Insanely compelling landing pages
- Sassy, standout website copy
And funnels that suck people in like Sharknado sucks up livestock.
Be Absolutely Unforgettable
I’ll write copy so memorable, your prospects won’t be able to sleep at night because they’re thinking of you.
Sound Genuine (Never Spammy)
When your copy reads like a real person wrote it, your visitors trust you. And pay you.
Get Higher Conversions
Sales, signups, clicks, upsells — whatever your goal, better copy puts more cash in your coffers.
How it works:
1
Pre-Day: You buy, I ask questions
First you buy a day (you’ll schedule later). Then you’ll use the handy form in your receipt email to send me anything + everything I need to know about your copy and goals. After that, you’ll pick a day from Calendly — and if needed, we’ll book a call in advance.
2
Day-Of: I go to town on your copy
Let me loose on our projects while you sip a mimosa.
At the end of the day, I’ll send you a Google Drive folder with links to everything I worked on. I’ll also record a quick walkthrough video or two, so you don’t have to read a long-ass “wrap-up” email.
3
After-Day: You roll out your new copy!
This part usually includes some sort of audible gasp and exclamation on your part, e.g. “Holy shit, it’s so much better, thank you/marry me.” It also often includes a significant bump in conversions. Pretty sick deal, if you ask me.
58
Clients who've bought my day
15
Years kicking copy ass
47
pounds of candy consumed while writing
0
people who asked for a refund
Example Days
A FEW WAYS WE CAN TAKE YOUR copy from blah to blammo! in one fun + wacky go
Site Audit + Emails
- Write five (5) new emails to vastly improve your welcome & post-purchase sequences — A la carte: $1985 ($397 per email)
- Rewrite your low-converting pop-up — A la carte: $357
- Record a heuristic conversion-focused review of your entire site (up to 8 pages). Copy? Yes. Design? Yes. UX? U know it. — A la carte: $1797
TOTAL WITHOUT BMD: $4139
TOTAL WITH BMD: $3497
Home + About Copy
- Write your jawdropping new Home page. Because the MOMENT a stranger lands on your site, they should know exactly who you are, what you do, and why the flying sugarglider they should care — A la carte: $2497
- AND write your warm-fuzzy-generating About page. Didja know “About” is one of the most-viewed pages on every site? Yep, yours too — A la carte: $2497
TOTAL WITHOUT BMD: $4994
TOTAL WITH BMD: $3497
Landing Page Copy
- I’ll structure and write your brand-new, optimized-to-convert landing page. Yep. In a day.
You provide any and all customer research you’ve got. I’ll do the rest.
SaaS companies are particularly well-suited for landing page days. Imagine: an informative-yet-irresistibly-charming new page that drops qualified leads into your demo funnel like United drops luggage.
TOTAL WITHOUT BMD: $4994
TOTAL WITH BMD: $3497
Licensed to kill
(On stage and on page)
Why am I qualified to work on your copy? I’m a Copyhackers-certified Conversion Copywriter, a big ol’ nerd about user research and experience, AND a practicing comedian.
In Basic Bitch terms, this means I can write fun, funny copy that actually converts.
Because if it doesn’t convert, what are we both doing here?
Want punchy copy that gets the job done?
You're just a few clicks from greatness.
SaaS Marketing Gym
High-level SaaS marketing expertise on tap →
Copywriting, Meet Comedy
Your life and your copy will never be the same →
Dumb Shit on Bluesky
ranked #1 for “funny copywriter” (i killed all the others) →
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