Punch up your boring landing pages.
Got a meh landing page that could really use better copy + higher conversions?
Businesses that worked with me + liked it:
Businesses that worked with me + didn’t like it:
What is this thing?
The Uppercut is a one-and-done landing page punchup service to infuse personality + conversion optimization into your lackluster landing pages.
Be Absolutely Unforgettable
I’ll optimize your copy so good, your prospects won’t be able to sleep at night because they’re thinking of you.
Sound Genuine (Never Spammy)
When your page or product reads like a real person wrote it, your visitors trust you. And pay you.
Get Higher Conversions
Sales, signups, clicks, upsells — whatever your page goal, better copy puts more cash in your pocket.
How it works:
1
You buy the thing and fill out a quick brief
First you buy the thing. (This is super easy.)
Then you use the handy form link to send me anything + everything I need to know about the page I’ll be auditing and rewriting. (This is also super easy, turns out.)
2
I audit, rewrite, and deliver your punchy new page
The Uppercut includes a recorded, in-depth, heuristic conversion audit of your current page and how I think it can be improved, from design to UX to copy. Then I restructure the page, if needed, and rewrite the copy from head(ers) to butt(ons).
3
You roll out the new page copy and recommendations
This part usually includes some sort of audible gasp and exclamation on your part, e.g. “Holy shit, it’s so much better, thank you/marry me.” It also often includes a significant bump in on-page conversions. Pretty sick deal, if you ask me.
60
Uppercut buyers (You're not the first! You're not alone)
13
Years kicking copy ass
47
pounds of candy consumed while writing
0
people who asked for a refund
Licensed to kill
(On stage and in your page analytics)
Why am I qualified to work on your copy? I’m a Copyhackers-certified Conversion Copywriter AND a practicing comedian.
In Basic Bitch terms, this means I can write fun, funny copy that actually converts.
Because if it doesn’t convert, what are we both doing here?
Want punchy copy that gets the job done?
You're just a few clicks from greatness.
SNAP Copy
Small copy jobs done fast and well. No project too teensy, and no revisions →
Conversion Comedy
Your life and your copy will never be the same →
Dumb Shit on Bluesky
ranked #1 for “funny copywriter” (i killed all the others) →
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