Last night, I made my stand-up comedy debut. I didn’t buy a single drink; I also woke up this morning feeling like I had been hit by the Jameson train.
I had stuff to get done, though. Wish I’d had this hangover outfit to get me through the day:
The first thing you need when attempting functional-human-being-ness after a long night of carousing: glamorous sunnies, like these cat-eye shades from PenelopeMeatloaf. Both to protect your eyes from the merciless sun, and protect unsuspecting pedestrians from your bloodshot death-glare.
You’ll also need a hoodie, because your stomach is gonna hurt, and ain’t nobody got time to suck in your abs when you’re suffering. The printed jackalopes on this lightweight unisex jacket from seller NYhop will distract bystanders from your terrible hangover posture. Is it a rabbit? Is it an antelope? Whatever it is, it’s working.
Assert your superiority even on an off day with a pair of comfortably elevating wedge sneakers, like these from seller LOVELYYYYYYY (seriously? Kill yourself). Wear them with leggings, but remember: leggings are not pants, and if you wear them as pants, you deserve everything you’re going through.
And because today’s probably going to kill you, cut yourself a break: no fourth item. This is all you need. That, and a little hair of the dog.