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FASHION FRIDAY: Pretty as a Picture

I’ve been doing a lot of writing about photography lately. With that in mind, here’s an Etsy fashion roundup based loosely around cameras and film. Don’t overthink it. I sure didn’t.

(What’s that? You want me to model for you? Well, if you insist.*)

Fashion Friday #fashionfriday

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I can already hear my dad snorting.

Want to pretend you are, like, so artsy and knowledgeable? Frame your iPhone photos in this vintage camera-styled case from seller CRAFIC. You still won’t know what an aperture is, but you might feel like less of a fraud.

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Now you see me, now you are a SPY BEHIND ENEMY LINES.

If you’d rather go the purely decorative route, grab this lens pendant from seller LePetitPanda. Photography nerds will run up to you, asking if it was made from a genuine Halina Acromat camera. Simply nod and allow them to buy your coffee.

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I think that black thing is some kind of kitchen appliance.

Store all of your bits and bobbles–um, I mean extra lenses–in this canvas camera case-meets-killer-bag from seller RockCowStudio. The seller helpfully supplies the bag’s dimension so you can make sure that your DSLR (Diverse Supply of Lipsticks and Rouges) fits inside.

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This is what we think of the past.

Star in your own film with a pair of creative earrings from seller tomatedepingles, who will surely find widespread success with his or her totally comprehensible shop name. Made from vintage negatives, these earrings prove that film is truly dead.

Will you buy any of these items? Specifically, will you buy them and send them to me? Let me know in the comments, or drop me a line at lianna@theenglishmaven.com.

 

* Please note that I take payment only in scones.

FASHION FRIDAY: Rules of Being a Zebra

Fashion Friday #fashionfriday

Did you always dream of being a fighter pilot, only to find out you’re colorblind, like Paul Dano’s character in “Little Miss Sunshine”? Do you try to create interesting color combinations, but get stare-shamed out of coffee shops for wearing fuchsia with mustard?

NEVER FEAR, POOR SAD FASHION FAILURES. For I am here to tell you: you can just wear black and white. Like a zebra. They do it every day, and they look fly as hell.

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^ Artful draping.

Continuing my love affair with bow ties is this hexagonally patterned neck candy by seller TimeLordsChoice, who has a terrible camera but seems to be pretty okay at making ties.

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All the news that’s fit to wear.

Next, we have a #totallykickass headband by seller FlosCaeli, who, you guessed it, hails from Eastern Europe. I don’t know, guys, I guess things are just made better over there. I wonder if the newspaper is in Bulgarian? IT TOTALLY IS.

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Ring ring OH GOD MY EYES

If you want to channel zebras technology-style, grab this iPhone case from seller BestCase. It will probably provide more benefits if you own an iPhone. Just saying.

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What do zebras think about?

This vintage party dress from Erstwhilestyle is a simple play on the often-overwhelming zebra esthetic. When in doubt, avoid wearing stripes on a large scale. On the plus side, if you look like a French mime, people may give you money!

Do you hate me for insulting fuchsia and mustard? Leave a comment.

FASHION SATURDAY: Back to School

Fashion Friday #fashionfriday

Whether you’re still in school, teach at one, or are required by law to stay at least 500 feet from them, you’ll see a lot of ads this time of year for back-to-school fashion.

Luckily, plaid is no longer in style, unless you’re a Catholic school student or wearing it “ironically”. What’s replaced it? Let’s look at Etsy to find out.

tree skirt
A cute way to say, “I like owls and I stopped shaving in September.”

If you prefer to let your leg hair grow out in the colder months (I call this “Sasquatching”), you can accent it with this cute handmade skirt from seller Zoeslollipop. Its conservative charcoal gray shade will go with your winter wardrobe, while its playful painted branches will lead viewers’ eyes away from your Amazon jungle-shins.

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It’s like a Mayan holiday!

You can always cover up, too, with some well-made tights or leggings. I’m digging these “tribal” ones from seller QooQoo Fashion, which are kind of wintery, but not so much that you’re vomiting tinsel and candy canes.

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Back in the day, they called this a “rucksack.”

Now, how about a stylin’ backpack? This simple one from seller BagDoRi will do the trick, assuming you crazy kids actually carry books these days (they look like Kindles, only they are made of paper, not tiny magic elves).

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Some assembly required.

Finally, start the academic year off right with this “poetic” hoodie from seller idea2lifestyle. You’ll be in the mood for learning after having to spend an hour figuring out where your hands and head go. And you can totally stash contraband in this thing, because it’s basically one giant pocket.

Happy schooling!

FASHION FRIDAY: Game On

Fashion Friday #fashionfriday

Oh my god, did I just take a trip down Memory Lane. If you grew up with a Game Boy—-if you played Scrabble or Monopoly—-or if you’re still sneaking off to level up your character on World of Warcraft, this post is for you.

May I present: the cream of the crop of game-related accessories on Etsy.

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Monopolize the conversation.

Let’s start things off small with these cufflinks from seller LettersByLilly. Assuming you’re fancy enough to wear cufflinks, you probably own a house, so why not passively brag about it? In any case, they’re classier than this vintage Monopoly fascinator. Such a good idea in theory! Such a travesty in practice.

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Ring ring! It’s your childhood.

Look at this insanely bright HTC case from seller elevenbuttons! I remember when the Game Boy Color came out. For my tenth birthday, I had to choose between a Color, with no game to play on it, or the regular black-and-white Game Boy Pocket plus one game. I got the Pocket and Pokemon Yellow, and spent hundreds of hours chasing pixelated Pikachu through the Viridian Forest. I have no regrets.

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For tile-o-philes.

I’ve always been a Scrabble fanatic. Lately, my ego has taken a beating from multiple consecutive losses to my coffee-shop Scrabble nemesis, Tom. But I can rock this personalize-able clutch from seller liltinpurse, and he’d just look dumb with it. So there.

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It’s called #winning for a reason.

Admittedly, I chose these hammered cuff bracelets from seller Serenitystorms because of the one that says “YOU JUST GOT PWNED.” To “pwn” or “own” someone made its way into my permanent vocabulary a few years ago, thanks to a particularly Warcraft-obsessed boyfriend. Got rid of him; kept the phrase around.

So, what was your favorite game to play as a kid?

FASHION FRIDAY: Bug Out

Fashion Friday #fashionfriday

In honor of the spider infestation in my apartment, here are some bug-related accessories that will not lay eggs in your ankles.

(Please send help.)

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The perfect way to say, “You make my skin crawl.”

This necktie by seller Cyberoptix is pretty fly. And by that I mean: If you love someone, why would you give them a tie covered in bugs? Or maybe you’re both entomologists and you’re made for each other. I’m not judging.

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The scientists from Jurassic Park have been looking for this.

Ladies who lunch will love this darling cicada clip by seller DanaCastle, which is a sparkly take on a creature many of us see flying around in our nightmares. Sure to start a conversation when someone shrieks and tries to slap it off your head!

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Heavy is the head that wears the OH MY GOD IS THAT A SCORPION

If you’re attending a fancier event–say a patrons’ gala at the local insectarium–you might opt for this headband, I mean tiara, by seller ourlavenderlady. In her words: “disturbingly beautiful”. In mine: straight-up disturbing.

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Buzz buzz.

A little less in-your-face/on-your-head, this Samsung Galaxy 3 phone case from seller VectorDecor might be more my taste. I like bugs in the abstract, cartoon sense. Not the “I’m in your bed, chewing on your limbs and depositing my unborn children in the bite holes” sense.

Have you ever had to deal with a bug problem? What did you do about it (and are you free tonight for some moral support)?

FASHION FRIDAY: Lemon + Stone

Fashion Friday #fashionfriday

Good morning, lovely readers. This Fashion Friday, I present to you an often underrated color combo: lemon + stone (often referred to by those not in the know as “yellow + gray”. Psh).

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Shoes for the uncrushably cheerful.

Kick things off [your feet] with a pair of custom flats from seller TheDrifterLeather, whom I also featured last month. Apparently I just can’t get enough colorful dried cow skin.

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Post-moo.

Also made of former cows: this sleek bag from seller farragobags2 (maybe farragobags1 was taken?). Slip in your laptop, important case files, and the above flats as backup for when you have to walk in heels and carry things and you don’t want your feet to bleed.

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Chevron. Chevroff.

Next, outclass your fellow technophiles with a cheery cover for your iPad/Nook/Kindle/other tiny screen you stare at instead of reading books. This chevron case from seller gothicreations is made to order, and bemusingly non-Gothic.

Put a bird on it!
Put a bird on it!

This tie from seller MeandMatilda will do nicely for the ornithologically inclined men in your life. It comes in all sorts of sizes, both pre-tied and standard, because it’s never too early to start dressing up a baby.

FASHION FRIDAY: Summer Camp

Fashion Friday #fashionfriday

It’s that time of year again. Today I pack up the trusty laptop and head into the wilds of Barnesville, Ohio, to shepherd 80 unruly teens and pre-teens through a four-week musical journey.

It’s actually a lot cooler than it sounds. Speaking of cool:

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Great for dosing unruly campers.

Buy me this polyhedron necklace from seller ohBIJOUXpt, and then I will need nothing else for the rest of my days. Seriously, it has a glass vial. I’m imagining this as the vial Juliet used to hold her “poison”. She was super fashionable.

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The moment I put this on, it would be ruined.

Also obsessing over this bow dress from oukymmik. You can’t wear anything nice at camp because the kids and the cows and the mud and the sweat destroy everything, but it’s fun to dream.

Anyway, it’s a short one today! I’m heading to the airport. Catch you next Friday under the hot camp sun! If you need me, you can always get in touch at lianna@theenglishmaven.com.

FASHION FRIDAY: Timesavers

Fashion Friday #fashionfriday

Dispense with pleasantries! I’m not going to tell you hello. Instead, check out some multipurpose Etsy picks to save you time: the modern world’s most precious commodity.

Store all your imaginary friends in it!
Store all your imaginary friends in it!

Generally, I would shy away from calling bags “multipurpose,” as their purpose obviously depends on what you put in them. I just had to show you guys this bag from seller Retazos, though. We’re bringing the fanny pack back! I had no idea.

Is that an 11-function multipurpose tool in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
Is that an 11-function multipurpose tool in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

Like the fanny pack, this next item from seller GoldenEngravables is less of a fashion accessory and more of a lifestyle choice. It’s an all-in-one crazytown tool, just in case you get stuck somewhere without your can opener, knife, bottle opener, ruler, wrench, and saw.

No, seriously, why would you need to wear this upside-down?
No, seriously, why would you need to wear this upside-down?

Go from looking killer to looking like a serial killer in one swoop of this acutely peculiar garment from seller NECHTO. At first, it’s a cute loose-topped dress in a bright pattern! Before you know it, it’s upside-down, you’ve got your legs through the sleeves and the head hole is providing some much-needed groin ventilation.

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Wear it as a scarf or a wig!

Lest you forget about my ongoing love affair with jersey, here is a stringy scarf from creatively titled seller FashionDesigns4U. Legend has it that if you want to get crazy with this scarf, you can loop it once OR twice around your neck. Go nuts.

How do you save time dressing in the morning?

FASHION FRIDAY: Hangover Chic

Fashion Friday #fashionfriday

Last night, I made my stand-up comedy debut. I didn’t buy a single drink; I also woke up this morning feeling like I had been hit by the Jameson train.

I had stuff to get done, though. Wish I’d had this hangover outfit to get me through the day:

It's okay to be catty.
It’s okay to be catty.

The first thing you need when attempting functional-human-being-ness after a long night of carousing: glamorous sunnies, like these cat-eye shades from PenelopeMeatloaf. Both to protect your eyes from the merciless sun, and protect unsuspecting pedestrians from your bloodshot death-glare.

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Jackalopalicious.

You’ll also need a hoodie, because your stomach is gonna hurt, and ain’t nobody got time to suck in your abs when you’re suffering. The printed jackalopes on this lightweight unisex jacket from seller NYhop will distract bystanders from your terrible hangover posture. Is it a rabbit? Is it an antelope? Whatever it is, it’s working.

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The Velcro is good, because you probably don’t remember how to tie shoelaces today.

Assert your superiority even on an off day with a pair of comfortably elevating wedge sneakers, like these from seller LOVELYYYYYYY (seriously? Kill yourself). Wear them with leggings, but remember: leggings are not pants, and if you wear them as pants, you deserve everything you’re going through.

And because today’s probably going to kill you, cut yourself a break: no fourth item. This is all you need. That, and a little hair of the dog.

FASHION FRIDAY: Beat the Summer Swelter

Fashion Friday #fashionfriday

The mercury hit 10,000 degrees here yesterday in New Orleans. All the termites came to party; won’t you join us too?

When just walking outside feels like a giant wet hand pressing down on your face, it’s best to wear as little as possible. My minimal picks from Etsy’s summer styles:

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Romp like it’s your job

Did someone say “Beyonce”? No, they said “white romper,” and I need to get my eyes checked because HELLO, COMFORT. This vintage ’70s romper from seller BTMVintage is just the ticket for fun summer activities. Like grass stains. And sprinklers.

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Luggage bins are located overhead to the left and right.

If you prefer not to combine your shirts and pants, you’re probably someone who wears dresses. Cue this kimono-style summer frock from seller lapetitenina. As the model demonstrates in the photo, the generous cut of this outfit allows for quick and easy pit-sweat drying.

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In other countries, they call these “thongs”.

Dust off that athlete’s foot cream and get ready to exfoliate your heels, because these unisex leather sandals from seller PennyHandmade are not hiding anything. On the upside (literally), the tops of your feet will get an interesting tan.

This posture will eventually ruin her spine.
This posture will eventually wreck her spine.

Finally, should the heat slacken a few degrees from, say, solar temperatures to more of a Jupiter-surface range, you can don this open-weave sweater made by seller Eloiseshop.  Or, as the seller suggests, just put it on to make your outfit edgier, no matter what you’re wearing. Personally, I’m thinking it’ll really spice up my pajamas.

Now you have all the tools you need to survive summer in New Orleans, LA, USA. Next step: daiquiris.