FASHION FRIDAY: Teal + Coral

Fashion Friday #fashionfriday

Y’all, I really thought I did this already.

Worn correctly together, coral and teal will offset each other in a glorious, jewel-toned explosion of brilliance. Worn incorrectly, they will make you look like a six-year-old’s birthday party tablecloth.

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I mean, you don’t need any help if you look like this.

Correct: This skull-tastic scarf from seller gertiebaxter. Okay, so it’s less of a coral and more of a “vermilion”. Vermilion is just coral plus mud. Get over yourself, vermilion.

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Imagine it speaking to you.

The key is balance. Use these pieces with solid colors—-when in doubt, go with black or white. This foldover clutch from seller frankandgertrude is just the right amount of teal to accent your outfit. Plus it’s kinda green too. WHAT? We can’t all be Pantone-perfect.

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For rainy-day three-legged races.

Is it raining? I hope so, because I want a pair of these super-sweet boots from seller PuddlesNRainbows (spoiler alert: they come in other colors too, and are laughably expensive for footwear specifically designed to wear on gross days).

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Chevrons are SO IN RIGHT NOW. Or they were.

To zip up, lock in, and nail down the best color combo since lemon + stone, snag this geometric necklace from seller PureImpressions. I have nothing else to say about it. Just buy it.

Love,
The Maven

FASHION FRIDAY: Back, and Still Rude

A love letter to the last week of summer camp (in haiku form, because who has time to read a whole letter?):

O camp, I love you
However: it’s time to go
I have camper plague

You can blame the aforementioned plague for the lack of Fashion Friday in your lives and inboxes last week. Though I still sound like an asthmatic Fran Drescher, I peeled myself out of bed to find some stuff to ridicule for you. It might be my giant tonsils, but I’m feeling harsh.

Fashion Friday #fashionfriday

Here we go:

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Not a right triangle in any sense of the term.

This triangle-shaped leather backpack from 20twentyvintage is on the theme-curated front page of Etsy today. I’m not sure if the theme was “Back to the Future” or “Things That Make You Uncomfortable But You Can’t Put Your Finger on Why.” Maybe because this backpack looks like it should (or used to) have fingers of its own.

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Price cut!!! Buy me one thousand please.

Zing bang. NEXT. Trolling the “Recently Listed Items” section yielded this handcrafted miracle of modern fabric-work, from coyly named seller ScarfMood. After browsing the fraying catastrophes in the rest of the store, I’m looking forward to seeing this seller’s next brainchild: perhaps a sheer leopard-print scarf accented with lace? No, wait, they did that already.

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My next album cover

In case your friends don’t know you’re cool yet, pop on this be-Lennoned baseball shirt from seller cottonclick. I’ve never seen a cat look more like a bug, and you’ll never look like a bigger tool.

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Will you marry me? GTFO.

To finish up your weekly dose of WTF, have a look at this “ring” from seller elsahats. Making jewelry: no longer just an art form. Just grab a rock, some string, and your nearest gumball-machine prize ring. Put them together and call it “tribal”! If someone pays $10 for this, I’m quitting writing.

Love,

Your resident curmudgeon Maven

FASHION FRIDAY: Timesavers

Fashion Friday #fashionfriday

Dispense with pleasantries! I’m not going to tell you hello. Instead, check out some multipurpose Etsy picks to save you time: the modern world’s most precious commodity.

Store all your imaginary friends in it!
Store all your imaginary friends in it!

Generally, I would shy away from calling bags “multipurpose,” as their purpose obviously depends on what you put in them. I just had to show you guys this bag from seller Retazos, though. We’re bringing the fanny pack back! I had no idea.

Is that an 11-function multipurpose tool in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?
Is that an 11-function multipurpose tool in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?

Like the fanny pack, this next item from seller GoldenEngravables is less of a fashion accessory and more of a lifestyle choice. It’s an all-in-one crazytown tool, just in case you get stuck somewhere without your can opener, knife, bottle opener, ruler, wrench, and saw.

No, seriously, why would you need to wear this upside-down?
No, seriously, why would you need to wear this upside-down?

Go from looking killer to looking like a serial killer in one swoop of this acutely peculiar garment from seller NECHTO. At first, it’s a cute loose-topped dress in a bright pattern! Before you know it, it’s upside-down, you’ve got your legs through the sleeves and the head hole is providing some much-needed groin ventilation.

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Wear it as a scarf or a wig!

Lest you forget about my ongoing love affair with jersey, here is a stringy scarf from creatively titled seller FashionDesigns4U. Legend has it that if you want to get crazy with this scarf, you can loop it once OR twice around your neck. Go nuts.

How do you save time dressing in the morning?