FASHION FRIDAY: Executive Editor

Fashion Friday #fashionfriday

Well hello there!

In honor of the insane amount of work coming my way in recent weeks (notice how you haven’t heard from me?), I’m thinking it’s time for another editor-inspired style post. Here’s what I’m enjoying on Etsy:

Gray Pencil Skirt
You’re fired.

Obviously, the first thing you need is a basic gray wool pencil skirt. I like this one from seller garylindesign. You can tell it’s appropriate for an editor, because “Mother’s Day” is in the title. Even your mom would approve.

Sheer Button Down
NOT a standalone item, just like leggings are still not pants.

Pair your new skirt with a practical–but still pretty–button-down. Try a sheer one, like this one from seller Lootvila, with a camisole underneath. Do you need the camisole? Yes. Why? Because if I can see your bra through your shirt, you are not gaining my confidence.

Coral Cutout Heels
Dwarf your competition.

As an editor, you should tower above everyone else. You’ll need a comfortable pair of heels for this. To show that you are superior, but not inaccessible, try heels in a fun color, like this playful pair from seller KaneliShop.

Geometric Cuff
This was 3D-printed! WHAT.

The final touch is a piece of statement jewelry. Notice how I said “a piece,” not “every single piece you own”. Less is more when it comes to writing–and the same goes for jewelry. Besides, when you slip on something like this amazing 3D-printed cuff from seller ArchetypeZ, no one will be looking at your earrings.

BONUS: Need to go to a fancy event, but still maintain your ice-queen professionality? Check out this gorgeous black wool gown from seller UnsungProductions.

I’ll happily accept gifts of any of the above items (shoe size is 8.5, and as for the rest…well, I’ll tell you in private).

FASHION FRIDAY: In-Betweenies

Fashion Friday #fashionfriday

No, that’s not some dumbass name for a swimsuit that can’t figure itself out. This is a post about clothes for those pesky in-between-season days (read: all seasons here in New Orleans).

A few versatile items will keep you cool/warm on days when the weather is seriously just fucking with you. Please note that this is not another post about layers. If you have not figured out how to layer clothing, Darwin will take care of you shortly.

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Expose your fly(ness).

I am a die-hard cardigan fan. I think it runs down the German side of my family. The Germans are such a practical people. Need to keep your torso warm when a cloud passes over the sun? Snatch up this shapeshifting sweater/vest/scarf creature from seller LuciaVerona.

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Oldies but goodies.

Good flats, like these red vintage beauties from seller ANewDayVintage, are essential for in-betweenies. Wear them with shorts on a hot day; slap on some tights when the big meteorologist in the sky decides to make it hail. Sometimes this outfit change can happen in a single day.

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Become a sultry redhead! Or just get the next best thing: this hat.

You know those hipster chicks who wear knit hats on blisteringly sunny days? JOIN THEM. This slouchy woven beanie-thing from seller zukas is your ticket to hot, steamy head. You get it. I know you get it.

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Doubles as a tiny guitar pick.

Show off your versatility with this necklace from seller ThoughtBlossoms, which looks to me like an itty-bitty upside-down delta, or the triangular symbol meaning change. That is literally the only thing I remember from high school chemistry. Good thing I’m a writer (sorry Mom).

What else do you need? Wait for it…

Wait for it…

Layers.

FASHION FRIDAY: Summer Camp

Fashion Friday #fashionfriday

It’s that time of year again. Today I pack up the trusty laptop and head into the wilds of Barnesville, Ohio, to shepherd 80 unruly teens and pre-teens through a four-week musical journey.

It’s actually a lot cooler than it sounds. Speaking of cool:

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Great for dosing unruly campers.

Buy me this polyhedron necklace from seller ohBIJOUXpt, and then I will need nothing else for the rest of my days. Seriously, it has a glass vial. I’m imagining this as the vial Juliet used to hold her “poison”. She was super fashionable.

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The moment I put this on, it would be ruined.

Also obsessing over this bow dress from oukymmik. You can’t wear anything nice at camp because the kids and the cows and the mud and the sweat destroy everything, but it’s fun to dream.

Anyway, it’s a short one today! I’m heading to the airport. Catch you next Friday under the hot camp sun! If you need me, you can always get in touch at lianna@theenglishmaven.com.

FASHION FRIDAY: All Bespoken For

Fashion Friday #fashionfriday So bespoken isn’t a word. It doesn’t matter. English is an ever-evolving language! Trust me. I’m the Maven.

On this glorious Fashion Friday, treat yourself to something custom-made. Bespoke sellers are out there, and they want to sew/craft/glue/engrave something just for you.

Feet sweat factories.
Feet-sweat factories.

For example, these magical navy blue handmade flats from seller TheDrifterLeather. When you tie their dainty straps, your cankles will disappear! Along with your worries, and stuff.

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For the days when you run out of paper bags

If your problems are more serious than cankles (we’re talking serious problems), a crazy customized mask from seller Warpcat should clear them right up, along with scaring the bejesus out of you each and every time you look in the mirror. I recommend this bold bespoke option to those who have simply given up.

The real Beatles didn't fit.
The real Beatles didn’t fit.

Men will enjoy custom cufflinks from seller LittleBurrowDesigns, who prints your text of choice onto silk and adds it to a pair of brass findings. The only other thing you need to know is that the seller lives in a magical-sounding place called Ottery St. Mary, England, so the postmark alone is a reason to order.

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Remember every dead pet forever.

Admittedly, the last item today is my favorite. A set of three custom-engraved bangles from seller Joulberry offers the chance to place 390 characters of meaningful text on these sleek silver wrist ornaments. For inspiration, the seller suggests, Take the time to explore your past, your present and your future…Capture your children’s names…Can you remember your wedding vows or would you like to remind yourself? 

I might add, Do you have a serious peanut allergy? What was the date you started paying for your own car insurance? Who is your favorite Jonas Brother?

One small step for bespoke Etsy crafters, one giant leap for Fashion Friday!

FASHION FRIDAY: Hangover Chic

Fashion Friday #fashionfriday

Last night, I made my stand-up comedy debut. I didn’t buy a single drink; I also woke up this morning feeling like I had been hit by the Jameson train.

I had stuff to get done, though. Wish I’d had this hangover outfit to get me through the day:

It's okay to be catty.
It’s okay to be catty.

The first thing you need when attempting functional-human-being-ness after a long night of carousing: glamorous sunnies, like these cat-eye shades from PenelopeMeatloaf. Both to protect your eyes from the merciless sun, and protect unsuspecting pedestrians from your bloodshot death-glare.

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Jackalopalicious.

You’ll also need a hoodie, because your stomach is gonna hurt, and ain’t nobody got time to suck in your abs when you’re suffering. The printed jackalopes on this lightweight unisex jacket from seller NYhop will distract bystanders from your terrible hangover posture. Is it a rabbit? Is it an antelope? Whatever it is, it’s working.

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The Velcro is good, because you probably don’t remember how to tie shoelaces today.

Assert your superiority even on an off day with a pair of comfortably elevating wedge sneakers, like these from seller LOVELYYYYYYY (seriously? Kill yourself). Wear them with leggings, but remember: leggings are not pants, and if you wear them as pants, you deserve everything you’re going through.

And because today’s probably going to kill you, cut yourself a break: no fourth item. This is all you need. That, and a little hair of the dog.

FASHION FRIDAY: Beat the Summer Swelter

Fashion Friday #fashionfriday

The mercury hit 10,000 degrees here yesterday in New Orleans. All the termites came to party; won’t you join us too?

When just walking outside feels like a giant wet hand pressing down on your face, it’s best to wear as little as possible. My minimal picks from Etsy’s summer styles:

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Romp like it’s your job

Did someone say “Beyonce”? No, they said “white romper,” and I need to get my eyes checked because HELLO, COMFORT. This vintage ’70s romper from seller BTMVintage is just the ticket for fun summer activities. Like grass stains. And sprinklers.

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Luggage bins are located overhead to the left and right.

If you prefer not to combine your shirts and pants, you’re probably someone who wears dresses. Cue this kimono-style summer frock from seller lapetitenina. As the model demonstrates in the photo, the generous cut of this outfit allows for quick and easy pit-sweat drying.

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In other countries, they call these “thongs”.

Dust off that athlete’s foot cream and get ready to exfoliate your heels, because these unisex leather sandals from seller PennyHandmade are not hiding anything. On the upside (literally), the tops of your feet will get an interesting tan.

This posture will eventually ruin her spine.
This posture will eventually wreck her spine.

Finally, should the heat slacken a few degrees from, say, solar temperatures to more of a Jupiter-surface range, you can don this open-weave sweater made by seller Eloiseshop.  Or, as the seller suggests, just put it on to make your outfit edgier, no matter what you’re wearing. Personally, I’m thinking it’ll really spice up my pajamas.

Now you have all the tools you need to survive summer in New Orleans, LA, USA. Next step: daiquiris.

FASHION FRIDAY: Clubbing for Introverts

Fashion Friday #fashionfriday

If you’re like me (you’re not), you like to go out. But you also like to stay in. And above all, you like to be comfortable.

Behold: a selection of Etsyness to make all three choices possible. Pro tip: Don’t wear pajamas to a nightclub. It’s unbecoming.

Just don’t look at her shoes.

Adding to my love affair with all things jersey (except the state and all residents, accents, and weather therein), this dress from seller PRIEMLOV has the fitted (sort of) silhouette that most associate with DA CLUB, but it’s made of stretchy, comfortable jersey fabric. So you can eat as much overpriced sushi as you want before tottering in heels to the private party next door. OR, wear Oxfords and read on.

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What would the Victorians say??

Oxford shoes have become a thing lately, appearing with any and all outfits, at least for those of you with elfin feet. They’re better than heels for most things you do with your feet; walking comes to mind. At a monstrously unfeminine size 8, these bedazzled kicks from seller LazyBunni are pushing it a bit, but hey–we giants have to try.

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Don’t worry, no math nerds will hit on you here. Or anywhere, really.

In the darkness of the club, introverts need jewelry that stands out. Try this geometric cuff from seller PeaceLoveBeach on for size; though a bit pink for my taste, it’s made of lightweight aluminum, so your arms won’t get tired from all the fist-pumping.

Handy. LITERALLY.
Handy. LITERALLY.

If you can never relax on the dance floor because you’re worried about your purse being stolen from the booth where you left it, take a deep breath and an Atavan, and also grab yourself this clutch from seller LaMuseChic. It’s got a wrist handle, so you can fling it awkwardly about as you try to Soulja Boi or whatever the kids are doing these days.

Have fun tonight! Or stay home and read a book. Whatever you do, do you.