1. Shrieking “Put your fucking phone down!!” at other drivers as I veer off the road
2. Mean-mugging drivers who are clearly texting, subsequently smashing into oncoming semi
3. Stress-induced high blood pressure
4. Depression due to losing all my friends, who tell me I have become “really one-note lately”
5. Texting + driving
Hahaha! This is the truth! I’m distracted by all the other distracted drivers.