Oh hey there!

Just in case you’re one of the 12 people who doesn’t have an email address, you may have missed a Big Thing in the world of online marketing recently.

The European Union passed some laws about how businesses can communicate with their customers and subscribers and use their data.

TL;DR: it’s called GDPR, and it made people freak the f*** out about their email lists.

Any excuse to use this GIF, honestly.

(A non-marketer friend of mine, when I told him about this, said: “Is THAT why I’ve been getting all those ‘We updated our privacy policy’ emails?” What a sweet, sweet baby.)

Funnily enough, you might not have even needed to send a compliance email, if your regular list includes an “unsubscribe button”:

Oh, if only people had actually READ the guidelines for GDPR perhaps our inboxes might not have become swollen with requests, reminders and general banter. pic.twitter.com/NwRhLIsEBL

— Robin Rimbaud – Scanner (@robinrimbaud) May 28, 2018

Anyhoo, my inbox was just as inundated with panicked GDPR emails as yours was…

But unlike you, I am a BIG OL’ EMAIL NERD.

So today I’m holding an impromptu awards ceremony for the email copywriters at these companies. Some of whom are doing really honestly fabulous work! And others… others who might not exist.

We’ll start with the BAD, move to the GOOD, and end with the “Come On Now, Y’all”. ????

Because who doesn’t love a good old-fashioned ribbing?

(As always, click the images to open the full-size screenshot in a new tab!)

THE BAD

The Bad includes literally every email that looked like this:

HARDCORE SNORE. Sorry, Indiegogo. Not picking on you for any particular reason.

You could play Cliche Bingo with the phrases in these emails.

Mark one X per square every time you see the following phrases:

– “We care about your privacy”
– “Your privacy is important to us”
– “Our commitment to your privacy hasn’t changed”
– “There is no action required on your part”
– “We know you place your trust in us, and we don’t take it lightly”
– Subject line: “We’ve updated our privacy policy” OMG REALLY? YOU AND THE REST OF THE WORLD

Special shoutout to Against Malaria, to whom I donated once and promptly unsubscribed one million years ago. They sent me the same email everyone else got:

WHO ARE YOU???

Guys. GUYS. Why did you not segment your list to make sure that you were sending a version to unsubscribers that said something like,

“Hey, you haven’t heard from us in a while, but here’s why.” <– ???!!!

Even some of the other folks in this category managed that.

(OK, sorry for ragging on a nonprofit that probably doesn’t have the resources to know stuff like this. If you want, you can donate to them here.)

THE GOOD

This is the part where I give medals, because YES, TERRENCE, EVERYTHING NEEDS TO BE A COMPETITION.

Airstory

What’s good here:

This was the only GDPR email to use a literary/nonfiction quote, and I’m here for it. Airstory uses Arndt’s words to remind people what their software actually does — helps people write — then segues into the boring stuff.

They acknowledge that people aren’t going to read their policy, and tell them what’ll happen anyway. Loving the honesty.

Sumo

What’s good here:

“Because we don’t want to bore you, we’re going to make this fun.”

AND they’re giving away a swag bundle! Is that legal? Who cares, they did it. Look at Sumo go.

BidSketch

What’s good here:

It’s personal, short, AND includes a CTA that helps Bidsketch make lemonade (new trial users!) from lemons (having to bother people).

Zapier – Bronze Medal

What’s good here:

Instead of taking the Eeyore approach of “We have to do this, bah humbug,” Zapier flips this mandatory email into a boon for subscribers.

They also helpfully remind people of the lists they’re already subscribed to (though mine don’t show, interestingly), and tell them what’ll happen if they don’t click the big orange button.

Fomo – Silver Medal

What’s good here:

This might be the chillest email I have ever seen. Ryan comes across as an animate bottle of CBD oil, he’s so chill.

It’s funny, it’s calm, and it ends on a sweet and upbeat note: “happy selling”. What’s not to love?

Endcrawl – Gold Medal

What’s good here:

Who’s NOT going to open an email titled “Please help us stay out of jail”? No one. Except maybe Trump.

But you, dear stranger, are better than he is.

And Endcrawl is better than all of us. Just look at this lively email, with its casual tone, front-and-center bullet-point benefits, funny and varying CTAs, and — just like Bidsketch  — its tantalizing offer, which could turn inactive or clueless subscribers into brand-new users.

Bravo, Endcrawl! U single?

(Hat tip to Alan for bringing this email to my attention!)

Honorable mention goes to Josh Kaufman, whose “New Post + GDPRmageddon” subject line made me smile, and who smoothly rolled a real intriguing lede right into his own policy updates:

THE COME ON NOW, Y’ALL

This category is reserved for businesses from whom I just… expected more.

GDPR emails in this category are basically the same as those in “The Bad,” but I had higher hopes for these companies. And they let me down.

Maybe that’s my fault? … Did I just gaslight myself?

The recent glut of GDPR emails has felt jarring to many readers, because of the change in the normal tone of voice.

If your normal tone is jeans and a T-shirt, don't suddenly put on a tuxedo and expect people not to notice.

👖 👕 ➡️🤵 🎩❓

— John Espirian (@espirian) May 28, 2018

Moo

Moo absolutely KNOWS how to write and send funny, piquant emails. I loved this one in particular:

Image thanks to Really Good Emails. Click through and tap “View the Live Email”. It’s worth it.

So their GDPR email, while friendly and succinct, felt a little flat to me.

There was an opportunity here, and Moo missed it:

MailChimp

Come on, MailChimp! You were one of the first brands to stand out in the email marketing space.

Why hand over the reins to the legal team and let them send this snoozefest? This makes you look more like MailChump.

What happened to your lovable zaniness? Where is your zest and zip? Wherefore art thy zazz???

AppSumo

Only the subject line here (“Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes (to our privacy policy)”) and the subheader (“laws are a-changin'”) are good. The rest of it is, well, boring.

And that concludes the GDPR Email Olympics! Conceived, hosted, produced, and attended by… pretty much only me. #lonelyolympics

Was this fun for you to read?

I’ll give you a minute to think about it and add a sweet comment.

In the meantime, here’s some #GDPR easy listening for you:

For all #gdpr lovers. pic.twitter.com/ZJoPzBH9Ap

— Fotoprikoličar [????????] (@bosstjanz) May 28, 2018